Day 5
For the first handful of days, I stayed in bed. By the 5th day, a Tuesday, I was over it and was desperate for a shower. Tony left with the babies (work/school/daycare) and I willed myself off the bed. I took it slow and had to strategically strip down and get into the shower... somehow. Each move mattered and one mistake could mean being down, found naked (not a sight to see. ha). I REFUSED to let that happen.
Stitches, bruises and bandages
Taking off my bandages, my stomach turned. I never had surgery, never had stitches. Seeing my knee like this was hard. I gently touched my skin, much of the area still numb. I cried. I never thought I'd have surgery. Surreal.
Okay. Suck it up, Jenn! Into the shower I went. It was the first time standing up for a long period of time. Not long into washing my hair, boo-boo knee was getting heavier and the pain was getting intense, I felt my color drop. Ut oh. My good leg hurting from supporting my bum leg, shower walls started spinning and then, there goes my stomach. As quickly as I could, back out of the shower (but not before shaving my legs) and hobbled to collapse on my bed. I was alone and I was scared. Can I really do this alone?
Phone buzzes. It's mom and dad... and they're on their way with chocolate filled croissants. Yesss. Saved! Day 6, 7... and then some.
The next few days, my parents came over and made breakfast and coffee for me. I needed my mommy... she knew it (and loved it... and so did I).
1, 2, 3, 4... the 4th is in my room.
The workweek spanned and the days were filled with visitors - tasty dinners, flowers, morning coffee in the backyard, much laughing, lunchdates, and something so special - reconnecting. It felt so good and my spirits lifted in those moments. I'm still in awe of how many people have reached out to me and my family.
A note to you all - continue to do so, not just to me... but to others too. What you've done to help has been incredible in so many ways, in ways you couldn't imagine. I hope to return the blessing.
When I didn't have visitors, I watched movies I've always wanted to watch, caught up on magazines (I love paper and the fresh magazine smell) that have been piled high on my dresser... or spent gazing out the window from the bed and taking in quiet moments. There were days I remember thinking: Mmmm. Bliss.
...days continued to pass. Slowly. Days turned into evenings. Evenings which were filled with bingeing on the TV show Suits, Percocet, and eventually... more grumblings. What day is it? Only THURSDAY!? Sigh. I can only do this for so long.
Oh! I did have a date with my Physical Therapist - he was impressed with how straight my leg was. Apparently most people come in after their ACL surgery and their knees are bent so they have to work on straightening them? Whew. And when I flex my boo-boo knee's quad, his eyes got big. "You are already doing great! and further along than what I'm used to seeing right after surgery. This is great. Here's some homework I want you to do."Ugh. Homework. I've always sucked at homework. Before Tony and I left, I had to make Jeff, the PT, confirm that my knee is this gangster because I worked out. He agreed. And I happily skipped out of his office, figuratively. (sigh. I can't wait to skip again. Grumble, grumble.)
What day is it?
Mr. Tony was talking about his Monday schedule (tomorrow). I retorted with "Uh, It's only Saturday." Him and Abby laughed at me. It's Sunday. "You're losing your mind, Mom". Fair enough... because I definitely feel like I am.
How is it only a little over a week since surgery? It's 1 week and I have MONTHS to go in this recovery. I'm already over it. Insert ugly cry here.
One day at a time, Jenn.
I'm being tormented by people traveling, sharing amazing stories of places and things. I WANT to travel and explore, savor adventures and grand outdoorsy stuff! I WANT to just get up and go as I please. I WANT to be able to sit on the floor, play with my babies and easily get up. I WANT to use BOTH of my legs... even more tears.
BUT this is me and my journey. No one else's. I need to stay focused on what I'm trying to do and rebuild. It's not easy pulling myself back in once I've derailed (I blame Facebook). Sigh. But when I do, I'm okay.
And so, hmmmm. What adventures can I do with what I have? Dear Pinterest...
#littlethingseveryday #onedayatatime #rebuild
P.S. I start back at work this week. Working from home, but to get back into the trenches with the team in any way, I can't wait.
