Will Power... and Mo.

Will-power. What's that? No, seriously. I have none.

I make up excuses to not feel bad about not working-out or cleaning the house. Sigh... which only later leads to me feeling like poo. Physically and mentally.

The heat plus whatever my body is trying to do to stay energetic is not working... that, and my lack of will-power.

I purchased an elliptical. ALMOST done being built. I used it for the first time yesterday. The screen and electronic portions still need to be attached, so it was just me and this machine... organically.

It was there, waiting. I was pacing back and forth at the door to the room where it resides.
"No. I'll wait till it's fully put together" I told myself. I walked away.

As I sat and started to dig into the leftover icing from Abby's birthday cupcakes, I "grr'd". I can not believe I just made an excuse to NOT workout.

I've been complaining for the past two months because I haven't been able to exercise and now that the elliptical is finally at a place that I could just jump on and go until its completion... I make something up and sit down... on my big, fat fanny.

After that realization, I grabbed a water bottle and my shoes.
It was amazing to just be able to jump on. I didn't have to worry about putting on my eyebrows or that my shorts might make a fellow exerciser vomit cause of all the excess of... everything.

If this is what will-power feels like, I definitely need to order some!

I only said "hello" to my new friend for 30 minutes, but it made me sweat... and made me feel great. I think I'll name it "Mo", cause I want no mo thunder thighs!

I know Mo and I will be great friends. We'll have our ups and downs, our screaming matches and water fights... but in the end, she'll always have my back, er, butt.

Here's to you, Mo!
J to the Rizz O

("Mo")

Abigail Lynn

(June 6th 2010 - Our living room)

My baby, Abby. Really, no longer a baby but a toddler.
We just celebrated her 1st birthday July 11th.

Thinking back. I wasn't ready... or even prepared for a "family". The first 2 months of Abby's life, she was an unhappy baby... making me unhappy as well. It has been hard. Motherhood is HARD, but oh so worth it.

She is beautiful. Inside and out. Watching her curiosity and almost reliving the world through her has moved me. I've always viewed the world in all it's wonders and appreciated each moment... and I can see her doing the same. A "little Jenn" wobbling around. Magical.

Little Abby has four teeth now. Two front on the bottom and the two front on the top... she no longer has her "gummy" smile. But she smiles just the same- big. She has her daddy's smile... and his dimple.

I like to believe that little Abby saved my life. A little over a year ago, I was in a VERY bad state. I was drinking beyond what I should have been and lived in darkness.
My first reaction looking at that pee-stick, was fear. I cried. Could I support this child?

But as I morphed further in the pregnancy, felt her move and embraced my world as it was... The calm settled in and I knew things would be alright. And it's now for her that I live.

I wake up every morning to her baby talk. When I walk in her room, she gives her four-tooth smile, giggles... and all she wants is her "mommy" (as she calls me).

She saved my life. Almost made things more clear. I don't drink as often (or as heavy), I go to bed early, wake up early... and now I feel more conscience. I feel rejuvenated.

Abigail Lynn. I love you. And I love you more with each passing day. My hero.


All my love,
Mommy

(July 17th 2010 - A little cafe in Old Roseville)