Suppleness

"Closer to my dreams
I’m goin’ higher and higher
I ain’t gonna sleep
Some times you just have to let it go (Let it go, let
it go)
Leaving all my fears to burn down
Push them away so I can move on..."
-Goapele


I couldn't sleep last night. My body was tired, but my mind was swimming in reflection.

I've been playing this malicious game of figuring out who I am for a very short time now. I've started to try to step back from myself to see how I'm reacting to a situation and why I'm reacting as so. I seem to only overanalyze myself and it just drives me insane.

This journey is turning out to be more exhausting than the blueprint I originally imagined.

A list of what I do know of myself:
*I know that I do things for others without expecting anything in return.

*My response to anything is instant... I have no filter. That is bad at times and I know I should take the time to think before spewing.

*I'm not very good at taking compliments. Instead of saying "no" or "whatever"... I should respond with "thank you".

*I don't call my family nearly as often as they call me. I should make time. Seriously.



To be continued...

Introduction

"People are like stained glass windows. They glow and sparkle when the sun is shining on them. But, if the sun goes down, their true beauty is revealed only if they have a light from within."

I'm on that journey to find my light.

I seemed to have lost myself all over again.
A little over a month ago, I cracked. Everything caved in. My strength, my happiness, my heart, and nearly my hope.
I guess Marilyn was right all along: "When love goes wrong, nothing goes right".

Every night and every morning, I cry. I'm tired and lost interest in everything... I've been living in despair. My heart aches and my soul hurts. I have never felt a pain so fierce. I don't think it will ever end.

I can't change the past. I can't change what happened. There's only looking forward, being better than I was. That is my plan.

With my little hope and my small amount of faith... I will remain.
I don't want to stop fighting, but if you love something, you must let it go to see if it comes back.

Until then, I'll write these blogs, my memoir.

The journey to find the light... of Jennifer Daniele.