1 Week (plus some): Post-Knee Surgery

Day 5
For the first handful of days, I stayed in bed. By the 5th day, a Tuesday, I was over it and was desperate for a shower. Tony left with the babies (work/school/daycare) and I willed myself off the bed. I took it slow and had to strategically strip down and get into the shower... somehow. Each move mattered and one mistake could mean being down, found naked (not a sight to see. ha). I REFUSED to let that happen.

Stitches, bruises and bandages

Taking off my bandages, my stomach turned. I never had surgery, never had stitches. Seeing my knee like this was hard. I gently touched my skin, much of the area still numb. I cried. I never thought I'd have surgery. Surreal.

Okay. Suck it up, Jenn! Into the shower I went. It was the first time standing up for a long period of time. Not long into washing my hair, boo-boo knee was getting heavier and the pain was getting intense, I felt my color drop. Ut oh. My good leg hurting from supporting my bum leg, shower walls started spinning and then, there goes my stomach. As quickly as I could, back out of the shower (but not before shaving my legs) and hobbled to collapse on my bed. I was alone and I was scared. Can I really do this alone?

Phone buzzes. It's mom and dad... and they're on their way with chocolate filled croissants. Yesss. Saved!

Day 6, 7... and then some. 
The next few days, my parents came over and made breakfast and coffee for me. I needed my mommy... she knew it (and loved it... and so did I). 

1, 2, 3, 4... the 4th is in my room.

The workweek spanned and the days were filled with visitors - tasty dinners, flowers, morning coffee in the backyard, much laughing, lunchdates, and something so special - reconnecting. It felt so good and my spirits lifted in those moments. I'm still in awe of how many people have reached out to me and my family.

A note to you all - continue to do so, not just to me... but to others too. What you've done to help has been incredible in so many ways, in ways you couldn't imagine. I hope to return the blessing.

When I didn't have visitors, I watched movies I've always wanted to watch, caught up on magazines (I love paper and the fresh magazine smell) that have been piled high on my dresser... or spent gazing out the window from the bed and taking in quiet moments. There were days I remember thinking: Mmmm. Bliss.

...days continued to pass. Slowly. Days turned into evenings. Evenings which were filled with bingeing on the TV show Suits, Percocet, and eventually... more grumblings. What day is it? Only THURSDAY!? Sigh. I can only do this for so long.

Oh! I did have a date with my Physical Therapist - he was impressed with how straight my leg was. Apparently most people come in after their ACL surgery and their knees are bent so they have to work on straightening them? Whew. And when I flex my boo-boo knee's quad, his eyes got big. "You are already doing great! and further along than what I'm used to seeing right after surgery. This is great. Here's some homework I want you to do." Ugh. Homework. I've always sucked at homework. Before Tony and I left, I had to make Jeff, the PT, confirm that my knee is this gangster because I worked out. He agreed. And I happily skipped out of his office, figuratively. (sigh. I can't wait to skip again. Grumble, grumble.)

What day is it?
Mr. Tony was talking about his Monday schedule (tomorrow). I retorted with "Uh, It's only Saturday." Him and Abby laughed at me. It's Sunday. "You're losing your mind, Mom". Fair enough... because I definitely feel like I am.

How is it only a little over a week since surgery? It's 1 week and I have MONTHS to go in this recovery.  I'm already over it. Insert ugly cry here.

One day at a time, Jenn.

I'm being tormented by people traveling, sharing amazing stories of places and things. I WANT to travel and explore, savor adventures and grand outdoorsy stuff! I WANT to just get up and go as I please. I WANT to be able to sit on the floor, play with my babies and easily get up. I WANT to use BOTH of my legs... even more tears.

BUT this is me and my journey. No one else's. I need to stay focused on what I'm trying to do and rebuild. It's not easy pulling myself back in once I've derailed (I blame Facebook). Sigh. But when I do, I'm okay.

And so, hmmmm. What adventures can I do with what I have? Dear Pinterest...

#littlethingseveryday #onedayatatime #rebuild

P.S. I start back at work this week. Working from home, but to get back into the trenches with the team in any way, I can't wait.

Day 4: Post-Knee Surgery

DAY 4
Yep. 4 days in. My legs are woolly, my hair is greasy, and thanks to Noah still in diapers, it's been buttwipes bathing for me - "pits and bits". Bleh. I am... a hot mess.

I've been in bed for 4 straight days... looking at the same 4 walls. I've been laying down for so long, my butt hurts and the room spins when I sit up. So much drugs, I don't feel like myself. 

Through all the pain and grime, I'm still greeted with sunshine. The handful of messages and visitors - dinner, cards, treats, care packages... and conversations (to the best of my groggy ability).

 I'm completely vulnerable. I'm in the most raw state possible and I don't like it. But, it's your unconditional love - family, friends, teammates, that has been absolutely comforting. ♡


*deep breath - just 4 days into this journey and so many soul-shifting "ah ha" moments already. ‪#‎littlethingseveryday‬ ‪#‎kneesurgery‬ ‪#‎findthegood‬

Day 1 & 2: Post-Knee Surgery

DAY 1 - ACL Surgery 
4:30am - alarm goes off.
5:10am - mom arrives, picking me up in all my sleepy and PJ glory... old, battered crutches in hand. I kiss my sleeping family goodbye and into the van I went.
5:45am - arrive at Kaiser Folsom and get checked in.

I'm a nervous wreck, but why? All I can think of is because of the "unknown" - that and the fact I strongly dislike hospitals! So sterile, smells funny, sick patients... and tons of scary beeping and blinking lights.

7:45am - got done speaking to 6 medical staffmates, all who were funny and amazing. That was a relief since I was near tears the entire time. I confirmed to receive an autograft (not a dead person, allograft) and then the "bartender" administers the good stuff into my IV. All I remember is mom holding my hand on my right, nurses at the foot of the bed and Dr. Jaki to my left. I finally felt relaxed... AND THEN... I came to... 3 hours later.

I was awake but my eyes were still closed. I remember being in excruciating pain and begging for help. That's when the bartender gave me a nerve block via my groin area. I open my eyes and start crying. I asked for my husband. I hear mom... then I hear Mr. Tony. *deep breath

What was to be a short surgery turned into a bit longer one. From my original MRI, we saw something with the MCL. Torn? But we thought nothing of it - apparently when he went in, it was a definite tear and so he fixed my MCL too. Double-whammy.

11:30am - Mr. Tony helps me get dressed and takes me home. We're greeted with my favorite flowers (Gerbera Daisies) and a note from my team. Such a beautiful and thoughtful surprise! Tony gets me situated - feeling sick and zombie-like, I sleep for the rest of the day.

Biggest boo-boo yet

DAY 2 (so far)
7am - Paiiinnn. So much pain. :/ My butt is sore from laying on my back for so long.
I move to make my way to the bathroom and felt almost everything! The nerve block is slowing fading away. My leg is heavy, I'm shaking... finally got myself onto the toilet but apparently not all the way. Jennie Jenn Jen made a bit of a mess. Sigh. Drugs, please.

9am - Breakfast in bed, coffee and got some loves and hugs from Ms. Abigail. Noah just wanted to run and stick his hand in our toilet. Ha. Boys are so gross. I read messages from friends, had some visitors, and threats from mom (because I got up twice without Tony around).

12pm - Leg is propped up and I have an ample amount of books, magazines, ...and starting back up with this blog. Lucky for me, I'm right next to a window that faces my backyard - rose bushes, trees... so much green and that's calming.

All that's missing? A big ol slice of extra chocolatey cake (and a tall, cold glass of milk)!

P.S. Mr. Tony will be home with me for the next week of recovery. He has been patient and amazing - I know caring for me, the babies/their schedules, and the home itself is not an easy feat; I anticipate seeing rough days. But already, thanks to your hugs, love, visits, and messages, we feel we have the best support! Friends and family instantly jumped in, helping out with playdates for Abbs and homemade dinners.

We can say "thank you" all day, even that would never reach the depth of gratitude we have for everyone and everything... thank you, thank you, thank you.

P.P.S. Drugs, please.