Grandma Darlene Langford

This late Sunday evening...
As I sit at the dining room table, contemplating life - all the deep internal emotions I'm trying to come to terms with along with reviewing actual tasks that need to get done personally and professionally, I break.  Attempting to understand my internal battles, trying to get back on track since returning from my honeymoon, still re-wrapping my brain around everything... I can't help but become utterly overwhelmed.

Out of everything stirring inside me, strangely, the breaking point was the thought of Grandma.  She came to mind when a song started playing in the middle of all this.  At that moment, I realized just how much I miss her... and needed her.

She passed a few years ago.  She was THE grandma.  At the time of her passing, I was sad - but kept going about my business and never had the grieving process.  So, why all of a sudden?  Because I actually sat still in one spot long enough to even deal?  I don't know.

I never had the chance to say my good-bye.  I wasn't able to make it to her funeral either... I felt no closure on my side.  Since then, I would still think of her from time to time and the memories.

She was my favorite to visit.  It was a 6hr drive, but I knew the fun that was waiting and didn't hesitate to jump in the van.  She was so artistically talented.  Painting on old saw blades or driftwood... just in awe of her detail and realistic technique.  Making dolls and winning blue ribbons in county fairs.  We were always surrounded with craft supplies... which was my favorite.

I always loved how she put on her make-up and all her diamond jewelry.  Always dressed up for any occasion... and now that I think of it, she'd draw on her eyebrows too!

She spoiled us grandchildren and saved our behinds from whoopin's once or twice.  Her stories of her parents and our other "crazy" relatives, her laugh, her love for Tanya Tucker and dancing with us in their living room.  I loved her.  Her everything.

On my wedding day last week, my mom came up to the room I was getting ready in and presented "something old"...her mother's diamond costume ring.  Grandma always wore it and I always admired it.  I had to catch my breath and tried not to cry, ruining my make-up before my vows.  It meant the world to me.

...so, tonight, while listening to Spotify, and when everything in life was attacking me at once, Tanya Tucker's "Two Sparrows in a Hurricane" began to play.  One of her top favorite Tanya Tucker tracks.

Although I didn't get to say my own "good-bye", this post feels a little like closure for me.  Acknowledging her spirit and how she touched my life.

I post this song - In honor of Grandma... and the reminder that when the world says we'll never make it, love says we will.

xoxo

Warm Summer's Eve

as per February 26th 2010 post:

Barefoot and wearing a summer dress made of rayon, hair down in waves, and face naked with only blush and lip balm.

Sun setting, sky illuminated with yellow and pink hues. A slight breeze moving through the green, green grass... and the smell of BBQ bliss in the air.

With a glass in hand, I'm sitting on an antique lounge chair resting on a porch. A small stand by my side holding a lit candle and the opened bottle of rich wine.

Content, on a warm Summer's eve... all the while this song plays in the background: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHV4nncKDMA&feature=related

Mmmm.  I can't wait for summer.

[♥]