2014: Year of the Contender

"3... 2... 1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!" 
One of the sweetest little countdowns (next to the cake timer). Unfortunately, I had a growing fear of this specific countdown... and there was no option of resetting it before the buzzer.

2012 was one of the craziest years - I was planning my wedding in under 7mths. I can tell you all about stress and hair loss! There was no time for thinking of anything else. I counted down 2012 as a blurry one. I was determined to make the next year, my year. I wanted to bring myself back from the blur, to make something so grand of the new months... and to actually have time to enjoy it.

2013 unexpectedly became a "bucket list" theme. And as the list grew, so did my glow and zest for life with each undertaking I checked off... one by one. Who does that?!
I, maybe one of the rare souls, can actually say... I lived. And it was beautiful. I was brought back to life this past year and I can't even breakdown the list of the solo/family adventures or the secret details that made my days. Yes, there was much heartache at times... but looking at 2013 overall, hands down, will be remembered as the greatest year of my life. So far.

One of the biggest dreams that was on my bucket list, was to grow our family... and we checked that one right off! We're expecting! Tony and I are over the moon with this news and seeing Tony's face light up whenever he sees the baby bump, is one of the best sights to see. Baby Rodriguez will arrive in late June/early July of 2014.

So, as 2013 was coming to a close, it really hit hard. We're welcoming our second child which means, in the midst of such a beautiful blessing, I'm also predicting an abundance of struggles, sacrifices, and walking the line of defeat. *deep breath. 
My heart sank.

Remembering life when we brought Abby home 4 years ago. My postpartum, our unforeseen financial situation... I became paralyzed with fear for what we'll be enduring this year. If it will be anything like it was then, or similar to, /shaking head... I can't even imagine.

It's true. Times are different now and we're in a much better place. We even have life-with-new-baby experience under our belts, so that's a plus, right? Wrong. Even so, all of that means nothing to me. Why? Because times are different and so, once again, everything is an "unknown".

I finally concluded this year's theme - Year of the Contender

Rodriguez vs. Life

This year will be of survival. Not only with society but also professionally (my first pregnancy/post-baby while employed), and of course, personally. I'll be battling against other's opinions, working 10x harder to hit deadlines... and facing my own demons.

I'll be honest. I'm deathly afraid of this year and what challenges 2014 has in store. All I know to survive, it'll take a lot of things... but above all, fight.

I'm back in the arena.

Little Things... Every Day

Glowing... *deep breath
I fear I may have pumped up the “details to come” a little in my recent Facebook post about my "one HELL of a week"... and hope I don’t disappoint anyone. These little details, these little things every day, are the kind that help create the kind of life I live and they mean the world to me.

This week. Going into Monday, I knew there will be challenges - professionally and personally... but I never expected to have experienced the warmth of it all as I did.

Professionally, whew!
A high level view: my task list was ever growing, teammates were depending on me... and my adrenaline rush revved high. ALL week. BAM! I was one bad mother mhmm and a multi-tasking fool! Among my oozing awesomeness this week, was the unspoken support of the team that helped me succeed.

Your job is not a job if you love it... and have fun. During the hustle and bustle of the day, is the laughter and random visits. Without them knowing it, I needed the team more than ever this week and as usual, they were there... just being themselves.

Also excited to be planning a community service project, a food drive, that will launch this coming Monday at the office. I’m thrilled that me and the team will be able to participate this year. I remember my fire growing when I was looking at the details for this. Can’t wait.

Personally, Mmmm.
My latest tattoo session was this week (there will be a special post for this), and it was only one highlight of the week. Once again, it’s was humbling... and the art piece is coming to life.

The week progressed with it’s personal struggles, like every week... but having a great circle of friends made the struggles a little less heavy. Went to support Ana and David at their soccer game... yet another highlight. I love seeing loved ones do what they’re passionate about and being able to support them any way I can. Brings me joy seeing their joy.

Friday came and as we do often, Ana and I had lunch at our spot, Arigatos. Sharing stories, laughing... this time, tears. At the end of our lunch, she wanted to ask me a question. She presented a gift on the table, then proceeded to ask if I would do the honor of being her Matron of Honor! Sigh. Before she finished her sentence, I started crying. Overwhelmed with love, happiness. Indescribable.

Ana isn’t just a friend, she’s a soulsister. I’ve always felt it, we have so many little things that makes up our friendship, but it was the fact we had scabs at the same time I did that solidified our connection. Yes, scabs. Tomboys at heart. HA!

Yes, another sigh. This week has been enlightening, fun, crazy-busy, joyous, and simply beautiful.

[I share these moments with you in hopes that you feel them too.]

Anthony "Tony" Rodriguez

Anthony "Tony" James Rodriguez

My love.  I don't give you nearly enough praise as you deserve.  From time-to-time, when I slow down, I'm able to step back, think of what you do for me and our family... and I'm always left in such awe, then find myself falling in love with you all over again.

The "Tony" reasons that makes my heart beat:

• (2) jobs - I don't see you often and I try not to say anything otherwise.  I know you're doing what you can to the best of your ability... busting your butt to support our family... and what I think I admire the most about you, is the fact you don't complain about going into work.  You just get it done and with such integrity.

• Times we're able to see each other - You make sure to show and tell me you love me... at all times.  All in the little ways of letting me sleep in, making coffee, kissing my forehead, tell me sweet nothings, making dinner, adding a straw to whatever beverage... the list is long - and I love it all.

• Out in public - You ensure you're always walking by the street - making sure your girls are safe on the sidewalk.  You always have my hand in yours, open doors for me, pull out my chair (and tuck me in), share your food and give me the last bite of whatever goodness is left... your constant chivalrous manner is just one primary factor that makes me fall even more in love with you.

• You're my opposite - but on all the levels we should be.  We have that balance that keeps each other sane... the biggest one:  I'm often stressed, you're laid-back and remind me to "be".  I need that, often.

• 10yrs, one beautiful baby, and an incredible wedding later - I think back to everything we've been through.  No one will ever understand the depth of our story, but what people do know, it was all meant to be - and it is.  To now be called your "wife" has brought me one of the greatest joys... carrying your last name and knowing we'll be by each other's side as we grow old.

• In conclusion - I only hope that I can show you the same amount of love, honor, support, and admiration you have shown and still show me... I honestly feel like I've just been going and not expressing my appreciation to the extent I know I'm able.  You deserve only the best, Papa Bear.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  

With everything I have and everything I'm able to give... I love you.

Eternally yours,

Jennifer Daniele Rodriguez

(2002)

(2012)

Grandma Darlene Langford

This late Sunday evening...
As I sit at the dining room table, contemplating life - all the deep internal emotions I'm trying to come to terms with along with reviewing actual tasks that need to get done personally and professionally, I break.  Attempting to understand my internal battles, trying to get back on track since returning from my honeymoon, still re-wrapping my brain around everything... I can't help but become utterly overwhelmed.

Out of everything stirring inside me, strangely, the breaking point was the thought of Grandma.  She came to mind when a song started playing in the middle of all this.  At that moment, I realized just how much I miss her... and needed her.

She passed a few years ago.  She was THE grandma.  At the time of her passing, I was sad - but kept going about my business and never had the grieving process.  So, why all of a sudden?  Because I actually sat still in one spot long enough to even deal?  I don't know.

I never had the chance to say my good-bye.  I wasn't able to make it to her funeral either... I felt no closure on my side.  Since then, I would still think of her from time to time and the memories.

She was my favorite to visit.  It was a 6hr drive, but I knew the fun that was waiting and didn't hesitate to jump in the van.  She was so artistically talented.  Painting on old saw blades or driftwood... just in awe of her detail and realistic technique.  Making dolls and winning blue ribbons in county fairs.  We were always surrounded with craft supplies... which was my favorite.

I always loved how she put on her make-up and all her diamond jewelry.  Always dressed up for any occasion... and now that I think of it, she'd draw on her eyebrows too!

She spoiled us grandchildren and saved our behinds from whoopin's once or twice.  Her stories of her parents and our other "crazy" relatives, her laugh, her love for Tanya Tucker and dancing with us in their living room.  I loved her.  Her everything.

On my wedding day last week, my mom came up to the room I was getting ready in and presented "something old"...her mother's diamond costume ring.  Grandma always wore it and I always admired it.  I had to catch my breath and tried not to cry, ruining my make-up before my vows.  It meant the world to me.

...so, tonight, while listening to Spotify, and when everything in life was attacking me at once, Tanya Tucker's "Two Sparrows in a Hurricane" began to play.  One of her top favorite Tanya Tucker tracks.

Although I didn't get to say my own "good-bye", this post feels a little like closure for me.  Acknowledging her spirit and how she touched my life.

I post this song - In honor of Grandma... and the reminder that when the world says we'll never make it, love says we will.

xoxo

Warm Summer's Eve

as per February 26th 2010 post:

Barefoot and wearing a summer dress made of rayon, hair down in waves, and face naked with only blush and lip balm.

Sun setting, sky illuminated with yellow and pink hues. A slight breeze moving through the green, green grass... and the smell of BBQ bliss in the air.

With a glass in hand, I'm sitting on an antique lounge chair resting on a porch. A small stand by my side holding a lit candle and the opened bottle of rich wine.

Content, on a warm Summer's eve... all the while this song plays in the background: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHV4nncKDMA&feature=related

Mmmm.  I can't wait for summer.

[♥]

 

Beads of Sweat

"I manifest my determination to make all my dreams come true during workouts."
- Jenny McCarthy ♥

Whether it be at work or home, I'm always thinking of what's best for someone else... at times, losing myself somewhere in the middle.

As a full-time working mom, my own alone-time is pretty rare. I go so hard throughout the day that when I do have downtime, I'd like to do something mindless... to be able to stop. This becomes a routine and I end up feeling like an empty casing of skin, a shell.

Recently, tired of feeling tired and staring at what used to be my favorite part of my body, but now looks just sad - My quads - I reintroduced myself to my dusty, but new, elliptical "Mo". She was finished being built in July 2010... And I'm finally breaking her in.

It's hard to find the motivation, put when I push myself to jump on Mo after Abby goes down for the night, for at least 30 minutes... It can do wonders (besides burn calories).

When I'm on the elliptical, it's just me so I'm forced to deal with my thoughts or emotions I don't have energy to acknowledge in my day-to-day. I will admit there has been a time or two where I'm near an emotional breakdown because I gain realizations while working-out.

Usually 5 minutes in, I'm already exhausted and my calves are burning. Never like before, I work up motivation and I find strength to push through! I'm rooting for myself and it turns out... I don't have to be my own worse enemy, but my biggest cheerleader.

For only having the 30 to 45 minutes of able exercise time, I'm reconnecting with my mind, body and soul - I feel my spirit reawaken and I'm more alive than ever. With every bead of sweat, I'm gaining back myself along with finding what was once lost - My confidence, motivation, inspiration... and a great set of quads.

Clarity, focus, ease and grace.

The Secret's in the Telling

A piece of mystery all to myself. A juicy detail.

When thought of, I become engulfed with a feverish desire, a longing passion... Sometimes, aching sorrow.

When it's thought of too often, I feel my heart become overwhelmed and weary. This is a yearning in my soul that I know will go on forever.

This is a little piece of me I will keep as my own.

My own little secret.